I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
