oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
