when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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