I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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