So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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