I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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