Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
