At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
