It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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