i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
