There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
