I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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