Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
