is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
