I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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