Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
