I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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