i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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