i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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