Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
