i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
