I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
