I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
