i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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