I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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