Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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