Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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