today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
