It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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