I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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