I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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