I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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