I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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