don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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