we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize