Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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