We're facebook friends in real life
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
