and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
