the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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