Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize