thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize