Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
