I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
