..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Watching her eat just hurts me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
