Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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