If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Randomize
