I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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