Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
