It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
