Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
