We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
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I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
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I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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