my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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