hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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