you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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