My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize