I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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