oh god the rape fog is back!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
