Can i not drive my cunt home
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
