what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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