Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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