I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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