The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
